Volume Three: Issue 101
SATURDAY 28 SEPTEMBER 2000
Circulation: 19 (Nineteen)
Online Circulation: 34 (Thirty-four)
B&H Count: 2 (Two)

Yes The Bv Is Early This Week

As a result of family arrangements, the B.V. is two days early!, Sorry for those of you like Mad A. like a giggly read in the bath of a Saturday morning!

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Donald Reveals All

In a rare moment of candour, Donald Leith, Senior Boy at Frogham Mount; revealed that the family were considering the purchase of 'some brown hens' to train the dogs. Our on the spot reporter inquired, slightly surprised, 'What for hunting?' and Donald replied, 'No, to train the dogs not to eat Mr. and Mrs, Scots Dumpy.' This revelation has sent shock and horror through Blissford and area chicken people.

The Chicken Supremo was unavailable for comment as she was busy stuffing chicks under the broody hen at the world famous Explorer Chicken Centre. Kate did stop to say that the expensive Seabright Hen had expired. ³She was never right. I hate to think what Maria-Anne paid for her.² she remarked. The hen was to replace the one inadvertently dispatched by Megan.

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Disseminator Cleaned

In a weekly flushing of the tubes on the Disseminator (which become clogged with damp uncollected BV's); a half eaten and soggy BV, was found in the Treetops tube. Also living there was a large snail and three haycorns. Lest we forget, the Disseminator was the kind gift of a reader, to complete the set with the Darnley Memorial.

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Locals In The News

Mrs. Bridge Tops 100K

Mr. Bridge the Post's wife Elaine was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? last week. Did you see it? Mr. Bridge alternates with little Stephen, the other postman.

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Antipodean Fencing

Perhaps it is the Olympics, but to the casual observer it is apparent that Blissfordians are beginning to view life upside down. The antipodean or 'down under' influence is to be observed at, at least two separate locations where stock fencing has been erected. The large holes are better placed at the top, and the small holes at the base. Another incident of this phenomena, was at a recent supper, a member of this society when called upon to "think of a number, any number" spontaneously came up with 69?

The Colonel

(these brave fencers will recognised at the Gala dinner. Ed)

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Other Chickens In The News

Feathers Fly at Chicken Roundabout - A flock of chickens living on the roundabout on the A143 at Ditchingham, near Bungay, Norfolk; have become the centre of of concern. Norfolk county council and the Parish council say the chickens are a traffic hazard and must be removed.

Locals how ever are insisting that the flock must stay and are circulating a petition. There are hundreds of them and no one is sure which came first, the chickens or the roundabout; but they tend to cause strangers to react when confronted.

'The chickens are what we are famous for!' said the village postmistress, 'Chicken roundabout is is a landmark.'

Locals claim the chickens are to the area what ponies are to the New Forest, and far from being a danger to traffic, actually help by slowing it down.

(thank you to the supplier of the article. Ed)

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Gala 100^th Edition Dinner Booking Well

Readers are reminded that the Annual Dinner is on Thursday October 5th (or is it 6th?) and that the guest of honour (in the presence of the hereditary High Sheriff) will be Mrs. E.J. Keith, long-time chatelaine of Brook Farm, author of Garden Tips in the Parish magazine, producer of Jerusalem Artichoke Soup for those in need and well-known local country woman. Those wishing to avoid embarrassment should attend or send a hefty donation. Dinner will be 7:00 for 7:30 p.m, and the awards and prizes will commence when Leslie pitches up from her other engagement (the ffrench dinner) and or at 8:30 p.m, whichever comes first. There will be a recitation of the latest work from Boonoo Squared, with chorus.

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Lamb Disbursements Begin

There were small crowds outside Moorcroft on Tuesday, made up of people and dogs; as locals attended to surrepticiously collect their allotted lamb segments in plain bags. An excellent lamb ragout made the menu at Brook Farm only hours later.

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Nominations Please!

Please don't forget to make your nominations or admissions for the awards, i.e. the Never in for Betty, the Least Fragrant Cesspit, Most Important Poultry Progator, Most Recalcitrant Beast, Jam -Maker of the Year, Boss of Blissford, Mulcher of the Year, Most Dust Bins Put-Out, the Faery Shrimp Award for Finest Contribution to Blissford, Most Amusing Loo, Builder of the Year, Least Successful at Animal Husbandry, Neighbour of the Year and so on. New and unusual categories are always welcomed! Nominations need not be signed.

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